I find that the closer to payday I get, the less money I have. Especially the last two months. With August's check being less than half of my regular pay check (thank you air borne illnesses), I've been scrimping and saving most of October. I'm okay with that though. I've paid all my bills and sent money back to the states. I got to have fun with people. No traveling this week of vacation, but next week will make up for that.
All I've been eating for the past week, however, has been rice and vegetables. And every once and a while I'll remember I have pasta to make pasta and all kinds of sauces. But, the spaghetti has been eaten and my coffee filter has been used twice in two days. I almost feel like a college student all over again. This, is NOT, intended. It is what it is.
I've made so many great things with rice and vegetables. I made fried rice balls (mmmm yummy) with a great spicy sauce. The next day, I made sweet rice (no vegetables). Hmmm after that, I had a meal of soup with rice in it. I flavored it like one might tortilla soup. It was a delight and lasted for three meals. The sauce really makes the rice. I never thought I'd enjoy rice so much and I'm getting better at not burning the rice at the bottom of the pot. Upon cleaning my drain (well taking out the food catcher from my drain...handy little bags) I found that after soaking all the burned rice from the pots, I could have easily eaten one and a half servings. So, I'm cooking the rice a little shorter.
I don't look at it as a matter of survival but an amazing opportunity to be creative. So, for a few more days: rice and vegetables it will be.
I can't help but crave hamburgers and chicken though. It is what it is.
In less exciting news. I took my first bath today. The Japanese style of bathing generally consists of washing down in a shower that is connected to a short (my legs were definitely bent) and very deep bathtub. So, as I was sitting and freezing while watching Gilmore Girls, I decided to finally use this bathtub.
It was amazing. As soon as I steered my mind away from the heavy water against my chest, I relaxed. For about five minutes. I guess I'm not a bath girl. It's like my own mini spa. And I'm glad I experienced it.
My vacation has been so relaxing. A little boring at times. But already full of drama (and I didn't even leave my apartment yesterday but to go running and check my mail). Monday, I wait for thee. I will be going to Tokyo, then Kyoto and off to South Korea...
Until then..I relax and enjoy not having to move from my bed if I don't want to.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Monday, October 18, 2010
The lighter side of things...The rubbing of the skin
I've been under the impression that the lighter you are in Japan, the better. I've seen women wear white stockings to complement their white legs and blue veins. I've seen women hold up an umbrella to the cloudy days of Nagasaki. So, being the opposite of white, I figured, I'd be frowned upon.
On the contrary...
I went to visit my friend at his bar. I'm standing, talking, laughing...probably eating and I feel a slight rubbing on my arm. It's no big deal. The bar is packed, people bump into each other. Then I feel it again. It turns out, this guy standing next to me is rubbing my arm. I have no idea what he says to me as my Japanese listening skills are as bad as they come...maybe. The bar tender laughs then swats his hand away.
I've noticed this a lot lately. The rubbing of the skin. I guess. It is what it is. Just another thing that amuses me in Japan.
Oh Japan...how I love thee.
On the contrary...
I went to visit my friend at his bar. I'm standing, talking, laughing...probably eating and I feel a slight rubbing on my arm. It's no big deal. The bar is packed, people bump into each other. Then I feel it again. It turns out, this guy standing next to me is rubbing my arm. I have no idea what he says to me as my Japanese listening skills are as bad as they come...maybe. The bar tender laughs then swats his hand away.
I've noticed this a lot lately. The rubbing of the skin. I guess. It is what it is. Just another thing that amuses me in Japan.
Oh Japan...how I love thee.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Why I believe... and Why I love Glee
Ever since I watched last week's episode of Glee, I've been going back and forth on why I believe in Who I believe in and What I believe in.
And the conclusion is the same every time.
I've had a lot of thinking time as I've been walking/running the 1.5 hours to work every day the last six days. It was hard, walking through mountains and through tunnels and past the biggest spiders I've ever seen in life. OMG these things were huge. I think I spent the majority of my time gawking and silently screaming. Anyway, one day, I opened myself up to the idea that: as long as that spider sits nicely in its web, I'll walk by it without wanting to run.
And as soon as I did that, God spoke to me. It wasn't your stereotypical heavens opened, lights beamed and a big deep voice from above called down to me. It was more of a conscious thing. A small, still voice that said: If you give it room, it will grow as big as that space is. I realized this as I looked and the giantness (that's a new word) of this spider and how LARGE its web was and just how much space it had to build this web (which was my height and wider than me) and how it perched, right in the middle of it; enjoying the breeze just as I was. And I realized that if we give ourselves the chance, if we cling onto our webs and build them as big as we can, we too, will grow. We may need some help though...
So...
I believe because when I was a child, bad things happened to me. As a teenager, worse things happened to me. As an adult...
I believe because human beings are horrible, selfish beings that kill for their own good. That rape and molest children. That eat when they are too full to breathe. That make fun of others when they feel insecure. But can show compassion to people they do not know. That will risk their lives to save others. That will fight with a person who has been molested or raped just to make sure they get through.
I believe because when I was growing up, something inside me stayed strong. No matter what happened to me, I got through it. I held onto my belief, to that feeling of peace and love that overwhelmed me when I felt no one else loved me and it got me through those dark times. There's no way I could have ever made it without it.
I believe because no human being could ever fill the void of never knowing my father or losing the love of my life. I believe because my friends call me their Angel. I believe because no matter how screwed up a human being I am, someone is there to say: it's okay.
I believe because on the outside I look fine and on the inside I feel fine despite the fact that I should be in shambles.
Life is so very hard especially when things happen that you can't control. Or when you do things that you should never be forgiven for. Or when you have no money to pay for medical bills.
I believe because when life hits me, I have something stronger that gets me through and God not only gets me through, he provides the patience and strength I need to keep going.
Everyone is entitled to believe in what they believe in and yes grilled Cheesus, you are delicious, but I don't think you prompted Rachel to let Finn touch her boobs... but I truly believe in God. I believe in Jesus as my savior and you would too... if you could only walk in my shoes.
And in Japan, that's highly unlikely because I have boat feet compared to the locals (except that one girl and two men I've seen)...
I believe because when I'm crying, I end up laughing at the fact that this pain is just temporary.
I believe in Love and all good things.
Boom! (love ya cousin).
I love Glee!
And the conclusion is the same every time.
I've had a lot of thinking time as I've been walking/running the 1.5 hours to work every day the last six days. It was hard, walking through mountains and through tunnels and past the biggest spiders I've ever seen in life. OMG these things were huge. I think I spent the majority of my time gawking and silently screaming. Anyway, one day, I opened myself up to the idea that: as long as that spider sits nicely in its web, I'll walk by it without wanting to run.
And as soon as I did that, God spoke to me. It wasn't your stereotypical heavens opened, lights beamed and a big deep voice from above called down to me. It was more of a conscious thing. A small, still voice that said: If you give it room, it will grow as big as that space is. I realized this as I looked and the giantness (that's a new word) of this spider and how LARGE its web was and just how much space it had to build this web (which was my height and wider than me) and how it perched, right in the middle of it; enjoying the breeze just as I was. And I realized that if we give ourselves the chance, if we cling onto our webs and build them as big as we can, we too, will grow. We may need some help though...
So...
I believe because when I was a child, bad things happened to me. As a teenager, worse things happened to me. As an adult...
I believe because human beings are horrible, selfish beings that kill for their own good. That rape and molest children. That eat when they are too full to breathe. That make fun of others when they feel insecure. But can show compassion to people they do not know. That will risk their lives to save others. That will fight with a person who has been molested or raped just to make sure they get through.
I believe because when I was growing up, something inside me stayed strong. No matter what happened to me, I got through it. I held onto my belief, to that feeling of peace and love that overwhelmed me when I felt no one else loved me and it got me through those dark times. There's no way I could have ever made it without it.
I believe because no human being could ever fill the void of never knowing my father or losing the love of my life. I believe because my friends call me their Angel. I believe because no matter how screwed up a human being I am, someone is there to say: it's okay.
I believe because on the outside I look fine and on the inside I feel fine despite the fact that I should be in shambles.
Life is so very hard especially when things happen that you can't control. Or when you do things that you should never be forgiven for. Or when you have no money to pay for medical bills.
I believe because when life hits me, I have something stronger that gets me through and God not only gets me through, he provides the patience and strength I need to keep going.
Everyone is entitled to believe in what they believe in and yes grilled Cheesus, you are delicious, but I don't think you prompted Rachel to let Finn touch her boobs... but I truly believe in God. I believe in Jesus as my savior and you would too... if you could only walk in my shoes.
And in Japan, that's highly unlikely because I have boat feet compared to the locals (except that one girl and two men I've seen)...
I believe because when I'm crying, I end up laughing at the fact that this pain is just temporary.
I believe in Love and all good things.
Boom! (love ya cousin).
I love Glee!
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Oh how He loves us
I guess the joy of having a blog is being able to use it to get stuff off your chest. It sucks when you can't do anything about a situation except pray. So...I'll pray and write and sing along.
She hurts.
She hurts continuously.
She hurts continuously as he sits and he laughs.
He laughs while she hurts.
Continuously.
It's a shame because I'm there. In the background. Wanting. Willing. Waiting.
For her to stop hurting.
Waiting.
For him to stop laughing.
To see. She is no longer smiling next to him. Next to him, she sits. Torment in her eyes. Pain in her heart. As she hurts.
No expressions come from her mouth. Because it hurts.
To admit the truth. To admit she should get up.
Up from his side. His smile. His laugh.
Run
Because he doesn't love.
She loves.
But he doesn't love.
He lives.
But he doesn't love.
She sits.
Next to him. In torment. Her heart waiting.
I wait. In the shadows. Reaching out to her. Crying.
Run
Don't look back. Turn and run.
For he doesn't see.
He never sees. He's laughing.
She's waiting.
Stop! Just leave. Stop sitting. Stop waiting.
Get up and RUN!
It's not changing. It will never change.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't see.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't love.
Run.
He doesn't love.
Leave.
He laughs.
Get up.
He doesn't love.
I watch. In torment. My heart. In torment.
Please
Just get up.
Leave.
He can't love.
Not the way he should.
Listen to me.
Leave.
He can't love.
He doesn't love.
Still she sits. Waiting. Willing. Loving.
He won't love. She won't leave.
I'm in the background. Calling out. Crying out.
Why won't you listen?
Run
He can't love.
Not the way he should.
Listen
She hurts.
She hurts continuously.
She hurts continuously as he sits and he laughs.
He laughs while she hurts.
Continuously.
It's a shame because I'm there. In the background. Wanting. Willing. Waiting.
For her to stop hurting.
Waiting.
For him to stop laughing.
To see. She is no longer smiling next to him. Next to him, she sits. Torment in her eyes. Pain in her heart. As she hurts.
No expressions come from her mouth. Because it hurts.
To admit the truth. To admit she should get up.
Up from his side. His smile. His laugh.
Run
Because he doesn't love.
She loves.
But he doesn't love.
He lives.
But he doesn't love.
She sits.
Next to him. In torment. Her heart waiting.
I wait. In the shadows. Reaching out to her. Crying.
Run
Don't look back. Turn and run.
For he doesn't see.
He never sees. He's laughing.
She's waiting.
Stop! Just leave. Stop sitting. Stop waiting.
Get up and RUN!
It's not changing. It will never change.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't see.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't love.
Run.
He doesn't love.
Leave.
He laughs.
Get up.
He doesn't love.
I watch. In torment. My heart. In torment.
Please
Just get up.
Leave.
He can't love.
Not the way he should.
Listen to me.
Leave.
He can't love.
He doesn't love.
Still she sits. Waiting. Willing. Loving.
He won't love. She won't leave.
I'm in the background. Calling out. Crying out.
Why won't you listen?
Run
He can't love.
Not the way he should.
Listen
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Love Letter
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New International Version)
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This time last year, I would have been sleeping next to you. We probably would have just gotten home and I'd be cranky and cold and you'd be exhausted and warm. You'd wrap your whole body around me and we'd sleep. Snoring, happily. Today, I thought about giving up, about moving on. I'm sure if I were to do so, a few of my friends and even some of my family would rejoice as they've seen us tear apart the Bible verses I've printed.
We've been through so much in the past 4.5 years. We've overcome even more: ourselves, one another. We've lost friends and family members. Lost ourselves and regained strength. As a couple, we were not the perfect example of love. Not in the least bit. But, in time. But, in prayer. But, in hope.
Love is patient, it's kind, it does not boast, is not easily angered. I've never known a person who allows me to break down on a daily basis and still provide comforting words. I wouldn't even wish my crying and whining on another person. But, you listen and you do it with a grace only God can give. You've done and still do all that you can to take care of me. But, not just me: everyone around you. You've waken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from friends across the world. You take the time to work an extra job just to help out at home. I've seen you save for months just to spend it on a ticket for your nephews birthday (that he may not even remember!). I've been taught not to boast, to stay humble and I look at you and how hard you work without any complaints.
It's been so long since I've been able to sleep next to you. Since I've been smothered by your giant soccer-legs; but I can still feel you near. I can still smell your cologne and I can still laugh at your aerobics outfits as if I am still watching you get dressed. I haven't written you a love letter in so long. I remember when we first met, we'd write back and forth every day when we were away from one another.
You told me: my love is there, even if I'm bad at writing it down. And I guess this rant is more of a reminder for myself. To not give up. To remember that love always hopes and always perseveres. So, I love you.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This time last year, I would have been sleeping next to you. We probably would have just gotten home and I'd be cranky and cold and you'd be exhausted and warm. You'd wrap your whole body around me and we'd sleep. Snoring, happily. Today, I thought about giving up, about moving on. I'm sure if I were to do so, a few of my friends and even some of my family would rejoice as they've seen us tear apart the Bible verses I've printed.
We've been through so much in the past 4.5 years. We've overcome even more: ourselves, one another. We've lost friends and family members. Lost ourselves and regained strength. As a couple, we were not the perfect example of love. Not in the least bit. But, in time. But, in prayer. But, in hope.
Love is patient, it's kind, it does not boast, is not easily angered. I've never known a person who allows me to break down on a daily basis and still provide comforting words. I wouldn't even wish my crying and whining on another person. But, you listen and you do it with a grace only God can give. You've done and still do all that you can to take care of me. But, not just me: everyone around you. You've waken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from friends across the world. You take the time to work an extra job just to help out at home. I've seen you save for months just to spend it on a ticket for your nephews birthday (that he may not even remember!). I've been taught not to boast, to stay humble and I look at you and how hard you work without any complaints.
It's been so long since I've been able to sleep next to you. Since I've been smothered by your giant soccer-legs; but I can still feel you near. I can still smell your cologne and I can still laugh at your aerobics outfits as if I am still watching you get dressed. I haven't written you a love letter in so long. I remember when we first met, we'd write back and forth every day when we were away from one another.
You told me: my love is there, even if I'm bad at writing it down. And I guess this rant is more of a reminder for myself. To not give up. To remember that love always hopes and always perseveres. So, I love you.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My relationship with Japan
I don't like change. AT ALL...okay. Well, I love new things! Like new shoes, new clothes, new food in my fridge... did I mention new shoes???
I just don't like NEW feelings. I'm not good at meeting new people, don't like starting over in relationships and don't like it when food changes from the yummy goodness it was the night before.
So, I'm talking to my friend, Wayne. And we were going through our normal banter. To be honest, I don't even remember what we were "bickering" about. I just remember him telling me to CONFORM! And I said NOOOOOO! It was then that I thought about my relationship with Japan. And after reading Vivian's blog, understanding the fact that I'm totally in a new relationship.
So, some background. Cause, when did I ever blog without backtracking?
It took me 26 years and a LOT of different things in my life (some tragic, some I brought on myself, some I didn't bring on anyone and would never wish on my worst enemy) to become the person I am today. Now, not saying I'm perfect. But, I am at a point where I LIKE myself! And, sorry Wayne, I will not conform...
Back to the conformity that is the issue. I thought about it. I thought about adhering to all the traditions, dating a Japanese man (ahhh that's what it was about, him dating a Japanese girl and me staying true to my beautiful Italian...mmm). So, an explanation. It's not that I think it bad for people to conform to a new culture. Many people come to Japan to "find themselves". I didn't. I know who I am. And know why I came. And I won't conform.
I enjoy everything that is this country. Almost everything lol. I love the fact that my city is so quaint and the people are so sweet. AND that they eat my food willingly!!! I love the differences that I see every day; that I am a foreigner and can't always understand the language. I will force myself to learn the language because it just makes sense. AND it will make my volleyball coach's life so much easier. I'll even learn Hiragana and Katakana and ask people what certain Kanji mean. BUT I'm not conforming. I enjoy Japan for what it is and I enjoy myself, as myself, in Japan. I love listening to Gucci Mane and "Mrs. Officer, Mrs. Officer..." and "A millie A millie A millie..." it never fails to get me ready for a crazy workout. Even IF I'm no where near as fit as I think.
I've been so mopey lately. And complainy (made that up Charlie...I think). But, I love this crazy country despite the things I wish I had from home here. And I don't want to go home. I'd really like to walk to the park by Urakami station (but it poured as soon as I stepped outside). Anywho... so, here are some things that make me smile:
Fukuoka- I love it mainly because of the lights and the shopping and the LOFT... And the fact that there are so many things to go to in Fukuoka: it's not my Nagasaki though:
My students are respectful and cute. One class- JR high students -all males got up after class and bowed to me! Not over it yet and it was the most amazing experience ever. I heart them...Japanese kids are hilarious! At least my students (and in this case, Mayumi no students desu):
Mayumisan and tamodachii!!! I love this bar. I rarely go because I'm scared of being dependent upon alcohol especially during my mopey stage and spending all my money on Tequila Sunrises :( but I heart Mayumi's bar too! It's like a big family AND I get to cook (Friday is round two)...
The Randomness that IS Japan! In this picture Sami (with the dress) had just gotten finished changing (under her dress). Jason, was forced to turn around until she was done...Mayumi was apparently deep in thought and Akaneezysan and I posed for the pic while Sachiko took it! What a great day at the beach. Despite my BBerry dying, my foot scrapping, me tipping over into the ocean and Sami being harassed by every jellyfish in the ocean...
So... As Vivian mentioned earlier. We are truly in a relationship with Japan. And sometimes relationships have their ups and downs. This last month has certainly had its ups and downs :0) :0( :0) :0( :0) lol was my life on an hourly basis! But, Japan, I do love you. Despite my irrational behavior! Forgive me?
I just don't like NEW feelings. I'm not good at meeting new people, don't like starting over in relationships and don't like it when food changes from the yummy goodness it was the night before.
So, I'm talking to my friend, Wayne. And we were going through our normal banter. To be honest, I don't even remember what we were "bickering" about. I just remember him telling me to CONFORM! And I said NOOOOOO! It was then that I thought about my relationship with Japan. And after reading Vivian's blog, understanding the fact that I'm totally in a new relationship.
So, some background. Cause, when did I ever blog without backtracking?
It took me 26 years and a LOT of different things in my life (some tragic, some I brought on myself, some I didn't bring on anyone and would never wish on my worst enemy) to become the person I am today. Now, not saying I'm perfect. But, I am at a point where I LIKE myself! And, sorry Wayne, I will not conform...
Back to the conformity that is the issue. I thought about it. I thought about adhering to all the traditions, dating a Japanese man (ahhh that's what it was about, him dating a Japanese girl and me staying true to my beautiful Italian...mmm). So, an explanation. It's not that I think it bad for people to conform to a new culture. Many people come to Japan to "find themselves". I didn't. I know who I am. And know why I came. And I won't conform.
I enjoy everything that is this country. Almost everything lol. I love the fact that my city is so quaint and the people are so sweet. AND that they eat my food willingly!!! I love the differences that I see every day; that I am a foreigner and can't always understand the language. I will force myself to learn the language because it just makes sense. AND it will make my volleyball coach's life so much easier. I'll even learn Hiragana and Katakana and ask people what certain Kanji mean. BUT I'm not conforming. I enjoy Japan for what it is and I enjoy myself, as myself, in Japan. I love listening to Gucci Mane and "Mrs. Officer, Mrs. Officer..." and "A millie A millie A millie..." it never fails to get me ready for a crazy workout. Even IF I'm no where near as fit as I think.
I've been so mopey lately. And complainy (made that up Charlie...I think). But, I love this crazy country despite the things I wish I had from home here. And I don't want to go home. I'd really like to walk to the park by Urakami station (but it poured as soon as I stepped outside). Anywho... so, here are some things that make me smile:
Fukuoka- I love it mainly because of the lights and the shopping and the LOFT... And the fact that there are so many things to go to in Fukuoka: it's not my Nagasaki though:
 |
| From Untitled Album |
My students are respectful and cute. One class- JR high students -all males got up after class and bowed to me! Not over it yet and it was the most amazing experience ever. I heart them...Japanese kids are hilarious! At least my students (and in this case, Mayumi no students desu):
 |
| From Untitled Album |
Mayumisan and tamodachii!!! I love this bar. I rarely go because I'm scared of being dependent upon alcohol especially during my mopey stage and spending all my money on Tequila Sunrises :( but I heart Mayumi's bar too! It's like a big family AND I get to cook (Friday is round two)...
 |
| From Untitled Album |
The Randomness that IS Japan! In this picture Sami (with the dress) had just gotten finished changing (under her dress). Jason, was forced to turn around until she was done...Mayumi was apparently deep in thought and Akaneezysan and I posed for the pic while Sachiko took it! What a great day at the beach. Despite my BBerry dying, my foot scrapping, me tipping over into the ocean and Sami being harassed by every jellyfish in the ocean...
 |
| From Untitled Album |
So... As Vivian mentioned earlier. We are truly in a relationship with Japan. And sometimes relationships have their ups and downs. This last month has certainly had its ups and downs :0) :0( :0) :0( :0) lol was my life on an hourly basis! But, Japan, I do love you. Despite my irrational behavior! Forgive me?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Skype Dates and "Cupcakes"
Anyone who knows me has heard me whine about having a long distance relationship. I used to be such an advocate for the excitement that arises when the "time" comes to make that daily phone call or Skype date... or send that email. The truth is: Long Distance relationships suck!
Now, I'm not 100% going back on my support for the cause. Cause (heehee) there are times when I am thankful to be in a LD relationship. I get to have freedom to play and am forced to meet new people. I've acquired a few cool friends to run with. My friend, Wayne, is a giant black man that makes me cry on runs (only behind his back) and then there's Tai who runs so fast!
I've been forced out of my comfort zone and have met the coolest "black" Asian ever. Azu. She's adorable and hilarious and sweet. She's driven and knows where to shop and what to eat and the music we listen to suits me. OH and she has the same b-day as me... Hmmm I wonder if I've written this before?
Anywho. So.. My advocacy stands with limitations. Finding time SEE one another of course helps.
I've told my friends the frustrations I've had with my bf and I not being able to see one another. I was whining to my lovely Emilee who has actual serious problems in her life (I love you Em) and she said: It's just a test. Lol, that's all I needed.
So, here's the update: more so to get it off my chest.
My original plan for September only involved me (really) and I had not thought of the trouble it'd be for finding jobs for an Italian in Japan. oops, mi bado :( However, jobs arose for Italians in Italy and though it was a crazy time, we rejoiced as it opened a MANY doors. So... of course we wait. October is coming and I have two weeks. The tickets for me to leave Japan are super duper expensive and him flying here is possible and not 100% logical. Jobs. Bills. Life come into play. Soccer etc.... So, we wait. I've never been good with waiting. I don't even like waiting for the red man to turn green so I can cross the street. BUT the past year has been a waiting game. And as I continue to force things to go my way, things turn into blah and I often find myself starting all over.
I'm afraid to talk to some of my friends about stuff like this because (as my lovely Lydia said: We want you to be happy). So... thank you blog for not caring lol. I feel like I am disappointing them. Which means, I gotta stop complaining! sheesh.
The moral of this last complaint (hee) is that apparently waiting is STILL one of my weaknesses that I truly need to work on. Things have always worked out and will always work out.
Speaking of working out: I found a hair dresser. Or three...
AND Vivian encouraged me to bake cupcakes. Except I couldn't find a cupcake tin at the 100Yen shop, so I made cake squares. I love cooking. I always forget how much I love cooking until I'm in the kitchen making a mess! I'd love to take a cooking class... That'd be awesome; maybe my next adventure.
And I had an amazing Skype Date last night. Still smiling :)
Just ran, so maybe I'll eat a tiny bit of my cake...ah home made cream cheese/brown sugar frosting mmm hmmm!
Now, I'm not 100% going back on my support for the cause. Cause (heehee) there are times when I am thankful to be in a LD relationship. I get to have freedom to play and am forced to meet new people. I've acquired a few cool friends to run with. My friend, Wayne, is a giant black man that makes me cry on runs (only behind his back) and then there's Tai who runs so fast!
 |
| From Untitled Album |
Anywho. So.. My advocacy stands with limitations. Finding time SEE one another of course helps.
I've told my friends the frustrations I've had with my bf and I not being able to see one another. I was whining to my lovely Emilee who has actual serious problems in her life (I love you Em) and she said: It's just a test. Lol, that's all I needed.
So, here's the update: more so to get it off my chest.
My original plan for September only involved me (really) and I had not thought of the trouble it'd be for finding jobs for an Italian in Japan. oops, mi bado :( However, jobs arose for Italians in Italy and though it was a crazy time, we rejoiced as it opened a MANY doors. So... of course we wait. October is coming and I have two weeks. The tickets for me to leave Japan are super duper expensive and him flying here is possible and not 100% logical. Jobs. Bills. Life come into play. Soccer etc.... So, we wait. I've never been good with waiting. I don't even like waiting for the red man to turn green so I can cross the street. BUT the past year has been a waiting game. And as I continue to force things to go my way, things turn into blah and I often find myself starting all over.
I'm afraid to talk to some of my friends about stuff like this because (as my lovely Lydia said: We want you to be happy). So... thank you blog for not caring lol. I feel like I am disappointing them. Which means, I gotta stop complaining! sheesh.
The moral of this last complaint (hee) is that apparently waiting is STILL one of my weaknesses that I truly need to work on. Things have always worked out and will always work out.
Speaking of working out: I found a hair dresser. Or three...
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Just ran, so maybe I'll eat a tiny bit of my cake...ah home made cream cheese/brown sugar frosting mmm hmmm!
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