I guess the joy of having a blog is being able to use it to get stuff off your chest. It sucks when you can't do anything about a situation except pray. So...I'll pray and write and sing along.
She hurts.
She hurts continuously.
She hurts continuously as he sits and he laughs.
He laughs while she hurts.
Continuously.
It's a shame because I'm there. In the background. Wanting. Willing. Waiting.
For her to stop hurting.
Waiting.
For him to stop laughing.
To see. She is no longer smiling next to him. Next to him, she sits. Torment in her eyes. Pain in her heart. As she hurts.
No expressions come from her mouth. Because it hurts.
To admit the truth. To admit she should get up.
Up from his side. His smile. His laugh.
Run
Because he doesn't love.
She loves.
But he doesn't love.
He lives.
But he doesn't love.
She sits.
Next to him. In torment. Her heart waiting.
I wait. In the shadows. Reaching out to her. Crying.
Run
Don't look back. Turn and run.
For he doesn't see.
He never sees. He's laughing.
She's waiting.
Stop! Just leave. Stop sitting. Stop waiting.
Get up and RUN!
It's not changing. It will never change.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't see.
He doesn't love.
He doesn't love.
Run.
He doesn't love.
Leave.
He laughs.
Get up.
He doesn't love.
I watch. In torment. My heart. In torment.
Please
Just get up.
Leave.
He can't love.
Not the way he should.
Listen to me.
Leave.
He can't love.
He doesn't love.
Still she sits. Waiting. Willing. Loving.
He won't love. She won't leave.
I'm in the background. Calling out. Crying out.
Why won't you listen?
Run
He can't love.
Not the way he should.
Listen
Thursday, September 30, 2010
Tuesday, September 28, 2010
Love Letter
1 Corinthians 13:4-7 (New International Version)
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This time last year, I would have been sleeping next to you. We probably would have just gotten home and I'd be cranky and cold and you'd be exhausted and warm. You'd wrap your whole body around me and we'd sleep. Snoring, happily. Today, I thought about giving up, about moving on. I'm sure if I were to do so, a few of my friends and even some of my family would rejoice as they've seen us tear apart the Bible verses I've printed.
We've been through so much in the past 4.5 years. We've overcome even more: ourselves, one another. We've lost friends and family members. Lost ourselves and regained strength. As a couple, we were not the perfect example of love. Not in the least bit. But, in time. But, in prayer. But, in hope.
Love is patient, it's kind, it does not boast, is not easily angered. I've never known a person who allows me to break down on a daily basis and still provide comforting words. I wouldn't even wish my crying and whining on another person. But, you listen and you do it with a grace only God can give. You've done and still do all that you can to take care of me. But, not just me: everyone around you. You've waken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from friends across the world. You take the time to work an extra job just to help out at home. I've seen you save for months just to spend it on a ticket for your nephews birthday (that he may not even remember!). I've been taught not to boast, to stay humble and I look at you and how hard you work without any complaints.
It's been so long since I've been able to sleep next to you. Since I've been smothered by your giant soccer-legs; but I can still feel you near. I can still smell your cologne and I can still laugh at your aerobics outfits as if I am still watching you get dressed. I haven't written you a love letter in so long. I remember when we first met, we'd write back and forth every day when we were away from one another.
You told me: my love is there, even if I'm bad at writing it down. And I guess this rant is more of a reminder for myself. To not give up. To remember that love always hopes and always perseveres. So, I love you.
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
This time last year, I would have been sleeping next to you. We probably would have just gotten home and I'd be cranky and cold and you'd be exhausted and warm. You'd wrap your whole body around me and we'd sleep. Snoring, happily. Today, I thought about giving up, about moving on. I'm sure if I were to do so, a few of my friends and even some of my family would rejoice as they've seen us tear apart the Bible verses I've printed.
We've been through so much in the past 4.5 years. We've overcome even more: ourselves, one another. We've lost friends and family members. Lost ourselves and regained strength. As a couple, we were not the perfect example of love. Not in the least bit. But, in time. But, in prayer. But, in hope.
Love is patient, it's kind, it does not boast, is not easily angered. I've never known a person who allows me to break down on a daily basis and still provide comforting words. I wouldn't even wish my crying and whining on another person. But, you listen and you do it with a grace only God can give. You've done and still do all that you can to take care of me. But, not just me: everyone around you. You've waken up in the middle of the night to answer phone calls from friends across the world. You take the time to work an extra job just to help out at home. I've seen you save for months just to spend it on a ticket for your nephews birthday (that he may not even remember!). I've been taught not to boast, to stay humble and I look at you and how hard you work without any complaints.
It's been so long since I've been able to sleep next to you. Since I've been smothered by your giant soccer-legs; but I can still feel you near. I can still smell your cologne and I can still laugh at your aerobics outfits as if I am still watching you get dressed. I haven't written you a love letter in so long. I remember when we first met, we'd write back and forth every day when we were away from one another.
You told me: my love is there, even if I'm bad at writing it down. And I guess this rant is more of a reminder for myself. To not give up. To remember that love always hopes and always perseveres. So, I love you.
Wednesday, September 22, 2010
My relationship with Japan
I don't like change. AT ALL...okay. Well, I love new things! Like new shoes, new clothes, new food in my fridge... did I mention new shoes???
I just don't like NEW feelings. I'm not good at meeting new people, don't like starting over in relationships and don't like it when food changes from the yummy goodness it was the night before.
So, I'm talking to my friend, Wayne. And we were going through our normal banter. To be honest, I don't even remember what we were "bickering" about. I just remember him telling me to CONFORM! And I said NOOOOOO! It was then that I thought about my relationship with Japan. And after reading Vivian's blog, understanding the fact that I'm totally in a new relationship.
So, some background. Cause, when did I ever blog without backtracking?
It took me 26 years and a LOT of different things in my life (some tragic, some I brought on myself, some I didn't bring on anyone and would never wish on my worst enemy) to become the person I am today. Now, not saying I'm perfect. But, I am at a point where I LIKE myself! And, sorry Wayne, I will not conform...
Back to the conformity that is the issue. I thought about it. I thought about adhering to all the traditions, dating a Japanese man (ahhh that's what it was about, him dating a Japanese girl and me staying true to my beautiful Italian...mmm). So, an explanation. It's not that I think it bad for people to conform to a new culture. Many people come to Japan to "find themselves". I didn't. I know who I am. And know why I came. And I won't conform.
I enjoy everything that is this country. Almost everything lol. I love the fact that my city is so quaint and the people are so sweet. AND that they eat my food willingly!!! I love the differences that I see every day; that I am a foreigner and can't always understand the language. I will force myself to learn the language because it just makes sense. AND it will make my volleyball coach's life so much easier. I'll even learn Hiragana and Katakana and ask people what certain Kanji mean. BUT I'm not conforming. I enjoy Japan for what it is and I enjoy myself, as myself, in Japan. I love listening to Gucci Mane and "Mrs. Officer, Mrs. Officer..." and "A millie A millie A millie..." it never fails to get me ready for a crazy workout. Even IF I'm no where near as fit as I think.
I've been so mopey lately. And complainy (made that up Charlie...I think). But, I love this crazy country despite the things I wish I had from home here. And I don't want to go home. I'd really like to walk to the park by Urakami station (but it poured as soon as I stepped outside). Anywho... so, here are some things that make me smile:
Fukuoka- I love it mainly because of the lights and the shopping and the LOFT... And the fact that there are so many things to go to in Fukuoka: it's not my Nagasaki though:
My students are respectful and cute. One class- JR high students -all males got up after class and bowed to me! Not over it yet and it was the most amazing experience ever. I heart them...Japanese kids are hilarious! At least my students (and in this case, Mayumi no students desu):
Mayumisan and tamodachii!!! I love this bar. I rarely go because I'm scared of being dependent upon alcohol especially during my mopey stage and spending all my money on Tequila Sunrises :( but I heart Mayumi's bar too! It's like a big family AND I get to cook (Friday is round two)...
The Randomness that IS Japan! In this picture Sami (with the dress) had just gotten finished changing (under her dress). Jason, was forced to turn around until she was done...Mayumi was apparently deep in thought and Akaneezysan and I posed for the pic while Sachiko took it! What a great day at the beach. Despite my BBerry dying, my foot scrapping, me tipping over into the ocean and Sami being harassed by every jellyfish in the ocean...
So... As Vivian mentioned earlier. We are truly in a relationship with Japan. And sometimes relationships have their ups and downs. This last month has certainly had its ups and downs :0) :0( :0) :0( :0) lol was my life on an hourly basis! But, Japan, I do love you. Despite my irrational behavior! Forgive me?
I just don't like NEW feelings. I'm not good at meeting new people, don't like starting over in relationships and don't like it when food changes from the yummy goodness it was the night before.
So, I'm talking to my friend, Wayne. And we were going through our normal banter. To be honest, I don't even remember what we were "bickering" about. I just remember him telling me to CONFORM! And I said NOOOOOO! It was then that I thought about my relationship with Japan. And after reading Vivian's blog, understanding the fact that I'm totally in a new relationship.
So, some background. Cause, when did I ever blog without backtracking?
It took me 26 years and a LOT of different things in my life (some tragic, some I brought on myself, some I didn't bring on anyone and would never wish on my worst enemy) to become the person I am today. Now, not saying I'm perfect. But, I am at a point where I LIKE myself! And, sorry Wayne, I will not conform...
Back to the conformity that is the issue. I thought about it. I thought about adhering to all the traditions, dating a Japanese man (ahhh that's what it was about, him dating a Japanese girl and me staying true to my beautiful Italian...mmm). So, an explanation. It's not that I think it bad for people to conform to a new culture. Many people come to Japan to "find themselves". I didn't. I know who I am. And know why I came. And I won't conform.
I enjoy everything that is this country. Almost everything lol. I love the fact that my city is so quaint and the people are so sweet. AND that they eat my food willingly!!! I love the differences that I see every day; that I am a foreigner and can't always understand the language. I will force myself to learn the language because it just makes sense. AND it will make my volleyball coach's life so much easier. I'll even learn Hiragana and Katakana and ask people what certain Kanji mean. BUT I'm not conforming. I enjoy Japan for what it is and I enjoy myself, as myself, in Japan. I love listening to Gucci Mane and "Mrs. Officer, Mrs. Officer..." and "A millie A millie A millie..." it never fails to get me ready for a crazy workout. Even IF I'm no where near as fit as I think.
I've been so mopey lately. And complainy (made that up Charlie...I think). But, I love this crazy country despite the things I wish I had from home here. And I don't want to go home. I'd really like to walk to the park by Urakami station (but it poured as soon as I stepped outside). Anywho... so, here are some things that make me smile:
Fukuoka- I love it mainly because of the lights and the shopping and the LOFT... And the fact that there are so many things to go to in Fukuoka: it's not my Nagasaki though:
 |
| From Untitled Album |
My students are respectful and cute. One class- JR high students -all males got up after class and bowed to me! Not over it yet and it was the most amazing experience ever. I heart them...Japanese kids are hilarious! At least my students (and in this case, Mayumi no students desu):
 |
| From Untitled Album |
Mayumisan and tamodachii!!! I love this bar. I rarely go because I'm scared of being dependent upon alcohol especially during my mopey stage and spending all my money on Tequila Sunrises :( but I heart Mayumi's bar too! It's like a big family AND I get to cook (Friday is round two)...
 |
| From Untitled Album |
The Randomness that IS Japan! In this picture Sami (with the dress) had just gotten finished changing (under her dress). Jason, was forced to turn around until she was done...Mayumi was apparently deep in thought and Akaneezysan and I posed for the pic while Sachiko took it! What a great day at the beach. Despite my BBerry dying, my foot scrapping, me tipping over into the ocean and Sami being harassed by every jellyfish in the ocean...
 |
| From Untitled Album |
So... As Vivian mentioned earlier. We are truly in a relationship with Japan. And sometimes relationships have their ups and downs. This last month has certainly had its ups and downs :0) :0( :0) :0( :0) lol was my life on an hourly basis! But, Japan, I do love you. Despite my irrational behavior! Forgive me?
Tuesday, September 21, 2010
Skype Dates and "Cupcakes"
Anyone who knows me has heard me whine about having a long distance relationship. I used to be such an advocate for the excitement that arises when the "time" comes to make that daily phone call or Skype date... or send that email. The truth is: Long Distance relationships suck!
Now, I'm not 100% going back on my support for the cause. Cause (heehee) there are times when I am thankful to be in a LD relationship. I get to have freedom to play and am forced to meet new people. I've acquired a few cool friends to run with. My friend, Wayne, is a giant black man that makes me cry on runs (only behind his back) and then there's Tai who runs so fast!
I've been forced out of my comfort zone and have met the coolest "black" Asian ever. Azu. She's adorable and hilarious and sweet. She's driven and knows where to shop and what to eat and the music we listen to suits me. OH and she has the same b-day as me... Hmmm I wonder if I've written this before?
Anywho. So.. My advocacy stands with limitations. Finding time SEE one another of course helps.
I've told my friends the frustrations I've had with my bf and I not being able to see one another. I was whining to my lovely Emilee who has actual serious problems in her life (I love you Em) and she said: It's just a test. Lol, that's all I needed.
So, here's the update: more so to get it off my chest.
My original plan for September only involved me (really) and I had not thought of the trouble it'd be for finding jobs for an Italian in Japan. oops, mi bado :( However, jobs arose for Italians in Italy and though it was a crazy time, we rejoiced as it opened a MANY doors. So... of course we wait. October is coming and I have two weeks. The tickets for me to leave Japan are super duper expensive and him flying here is possible and not 100% logical. Jobs. Bills. Life come into play. Soccer etc.... So, we wait. I've never been good with waiting. I don't even like waiting for the red man to turn green so I can cross the street. BUT the past year has been a waiting game. And as I continue to force things to go my way, things turn into blah and I often find myself starting all over.
I'm afraid to talk to some of my friends about stuff like this because (as my lovely Lydia said: We want you to be happy). So... thank you blog for not caring lol. I feel like I am disappointing them. Which means, I gotta stop complaining! sheesh.
The moral of this last complaint (hee) is that apparently waiting is STILL one of my weaknesses that I truly need to work on. Things have always worked out and will always work out.
Speaking of working out: I found a hair dresser. Or three...
AND Vivian encouraged me to bake cupcakes. Except I couldn't find a cupcake tin at the 100Yen shop, so I made cake squares. I love cooking. I always forget how much I love cooking until I'm in the kitchen making a mess! I'd love to take a cooking class... That'd be awesome; maybe my next adventure.
And I had an amazing Skype Date last night. Still smiling :)
Just ran, so maybe I'll eat a tiny bit of my cake...ah home made cream cheese/brown sugar frosting mmm hmmm!
Now, I'm not 100% going back on my support for the cause. Cause (heehee) there are times when I am thankful to be in a LD relationship. I get to have freedom to play and am forced to meet new people. I've acquired a few cool friends to run with. My friend, Wayne, is a giant black man that makes me cry on runs (only behind his back) and then there's Tai who runs so fast!
 |
| From Untitled Album |
Anywho. So.. My advocacy stands with limitations. Finding time SEE one another of course helps.
I've told my friends the frustrations I've had with my bf and I not being able to see one another. I was whining to my lovely Emilee who has actual serious problems in her life (I love you Em) and she said: It's just a test. Lol, that's all I needed.
So, here's the update: more so to get it off my chest.
My original plan for September only involved me (really) and I had not thought of the trouble it'd be for finding jobs for an Italian in Japan. oops, mi bado :( However, jobs arose for Italians in Italy and though it was a crazy time, we rejoiced as it opened a MANY doors. So... of course we wait. October is coming and I have two weeks. The tickets for me to leave Japan are super duper expensive and him flying here is possible and not 100% logical. Jobs. Bills. Life come into play. Soccer etc.... So, we wait. I've never been good with waiting. I don't even like waiting for the red man to turn green so I can cross the street. BUT the past year has been a waiting game. And as I continue to force things to go my way, things turn into blah and I often find myself starting all over.
I'm afraid to talk to some of my friends about stuff like this because (as my lovely Lydia said: We want you to be happy). So... thank you blog for not caring lol. I feel like I am disappointing them. Which means, I gotta stop complaining! sheesh.
The moral of this last complaint (hee) is that apparently waiting is STILL one of my weaknesses that I truly need to work on. Things have always worked out and will always work out.
Speaking of working out: I found a hair dresser. Or three...
 |
| From Untitled Album |
 |
| From Untitled Album |
 |
| From Untitled Album |
Just ran, so maybe I'll eat a tiny bit of my cake...ah home made cream cheese/brown sugar frosting mmm hmmm!
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
"From the Jump"
You'd have to be from the "hood" to understand what the title of my blog means. Or have family that is in the same genre as from where it comes from. I was talking to my JenniferRae and she said "from the jump" and it struck a nerve in me. A happy nerve.
From the Jump, I was born with a purpose. From the Jump, He knew me, even in my mother's womb. He knew what I was to do, when I was going to do it and why.
From the jump, children have always made me happy. The sound of children's laughter is by far one of the greatest joys I have. I can sit on a park bench and watch them play. I'm happiest in my classes when they look at me, confused, then ask their friend for help or when they say "ahhh wakata!" I love when they figure out what needs to be done on their own (after a little push from me); it's like they are a little tiny person (or sometimes a big person).
Anyway, as per my last post...I talked about seasons and reasons and all kinds of rhyming words. I decided to get over myself and keep pressing on. However, I still won't settle for bull. Life's too short to do so. Why do it? Why not expect the best? Why settle? Why not have a back up plan? Thank you JenniferRae for helping me realize that.
So... Over the last week or couple days since my last post, I've been praying a lot more and just sitting back and looking at my own actions (thank you Ana for your message). I cannot personally control anyone or anything. I can't control the fact that my iPhone hates me or that the Japanese bank hates me lol.
However, I CAN control the type of teacher I am. I can ask God to change situations, to change the hearts of others (that they focus on what's important and not just money). And I have. I know I was brought here to Japan for a reason. And I KNOW that reason is not just to teach. Or play volleyball. Or make new, great friends.
And I feel so selfish lately that I've been so blessed here. My kids are great. Seriously great. Even ones that I've complained about have changed since last month. My JTs are ridiculously amazing and fun and compassionate. And I've been surrounded by some of the greatest people in Japan, I'm sure! Thank you all for just being so nice lol. And again, the selfishness is overtaking me and I feel like: what can I do to give back???!!!!! How do I help others?
And duh. Just be me. "Do you girl, get you some," was what Emilee wrote in the card she gave me. Lol. And doing me: A silly, hungry, loving girl who will pray for you with or without you noticing. How do I give back? By doing what God called me to do:
To teach to the best of my abilities. To make sure the kids in my classes are learning as much as they can, but having fun doing it. To pray for ridiculous decisions, even if those people are older than me or make more money or make decisions. And to get over myself and trust God. Because when I truly do this, I know that all things will come to pass. BECAUSE they ALWAYS Have and ALWAYS will. It just is what it is. It's how my life rolls.
So, from the jump, I've set out to teach. And here I be.
Then I listened to this:
Thank you Keena, for posting this on Facebook btw.
And realized that my friends and family are amazing. Seriously amazing. I can honestly say that I am a blessed woman. Undeservingly blessed. I have some great confidants. Who kick my butt, but hug me when I cry; love me when I'm wrong and are patient with me when I'm ridiculous. I have confidants that get all up in my business to let me know: hey...it shouldn't be that way. oohh weee!
And here's to a coat of many colors. To stepping out of my comfort zone. To showing my thanks by working as hard as I can and knowing that things will be okay. Peace.
From the Jump, I was born with a purpose. From the Jump, He knew me, even in my mother's womb. He knew what I was to do, when I was going to do it and why.
From the jump, children have always made me happy. The sound of children's laughter is by far one of the greatest joys I have. I can sit on a park bench and watch them play. I'm happiest in my classes when they look at me, confused, then ask their friend for help or when they say "ahhh wakata!" I love when they figure out what needs to be done on their own (after a little push from me); it's like they are a little tiny person (or sometimes a big person).
Anyway, as per my last post...I talked about seasons and reasons and all kinds of rhyming words. I decided to get over myself and keep pressing on. However, I still won't settle for bull. Life's too short to do so. Why do it? Why not expect the best? Why settle? Why not have a back up plan? Thank you JenniferRae for helping me realize that.
So... Over the last week or couple days since my last post, I've been praying a lot more and just sitting back and looking at my own actions (thank you Ana for your message). I cannot personally control anyone or anything. I can't control the fact that my iPhone hates me or that the Japanese bank hates me lol.
However, I CAN control the type of teacher I am. I can ask God to change situations, to change the hearts of others (that they focus on what's important and not just money). And I have. I know I was brought here to Japan for a reason. And I KNOW that reason is not just to teach. Or play volleyball. Or make new, great friends.
And I feel so selfish lately that I've been so blessed here. My kids are great. Seriously great. Even ones that I've complained about have changed since last month. My JTs are ridiculously amazing and fun and compassionate. And I've been surrounded by some of the greatest people in Japan, I'm sure! Thank you all for just being so nice lol. And again, the selfishness is overtaking me and I feel like: what can I do to give back???!!!!! How do I help others?
And duh. Just be me. "Do you girl, get you some," was what Emilee wrote in the card she gave me. Lol. And doing me: A silly, hungry, loving girl who will pray for you with or without you noticing. How do I give back? By doing what God called me to do:
To teach to the best of my abilities. To make sure the kids in my classes are learning as much as they can, but having fun doing it. To pray for ridiculous decisions, even if those people are older than me or make more money or make decisions. And to get over myself and trust God. Because when I truly do this, I know that all things will come to pass. BECAUSE they ALWAYS Have and ALWAYS will. It just is what it is. It's how my life rolls.
So, from the jump, I've set out to teach. And here I be.
Then I listened to this:
Thank you Keena, for posting this on Facebook btw.
And realized that my friends and family are amazing. Seriously amazing. I can honestly say that I am a blessed woman. Undeservingly blessed. I have some great confidants. Who kick my butt, but hug me when I cry; love me when I'm wrong and are patient with me when I'm ridiculous. I have confidants that get all up in my business to let me know: hey...it shouldn't be that way. oohh weee!
And here's to a coat of many colors. To stepping out of my comfort zone. To showing my thanks by working as hard as I can and knowing that things will be okay. Peace.
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Hurry Up and Wait
I'm a little embarrassed to say that I think my honeymoon stage is over. There are things that I've encountered in Japan, working and living, that I'm just not too fond of. It's embarrassing to realize that things were and are not perfect here in Japan. The hype that I bought into (maybe that's too harsh). The excitement that I felt before coming here is not the same as I feel now.
I mean there are daily things I get excited about! My city is amazingly beautiful and the friends that I've made and am getting to know are awesome as well!
check out some photos: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012562&id=151900452&l=740ce4adb7
It may have been the whole: doing something new, teaching (what I love), traveling (what I love) and learning a new language (what I love) aspect of coming here. But, as I sit and complain, I realize: those things are still prominent.
Life, unfortunately, is not perfect. We, as humans are not perfect. I mean, I'm almost perfect, but not quite there yet lol. Seriously, though. Crap happens. We get excited about new choices and do hours upon hours of research and dive in to a new decision. We'll always have reservations about our new choices and sometimes those reservations hold to be true.
So, now that some of my reservations are all up in ma face what do I do?
I feel as though by some things not being as perfect as they could or as I thought they would be, I'm a failure. Or that I'm fickle for not wanting to continue.
But, then I realized... I'm 26 years old. Jennifer Rae told me that 25 was a sexy age (I agreed, then I turned 26... so I guess it's sexy with one year experience?). Anyway, what I think she was getting at was 25 is a sense of maturity. You're no longer a baby and you're still at your peak in life. Still in your 20's but not early twenties. 26 is even better because I can officially say I'm grown.
So, back to my realization: just because I'm apt to try new things then peace them out when they aren't as good as I expect them to be doesn't make me fickle. It makes me smart. I'm 26 years old, I have my Masters in Education, I have a loving family, friends, beautiful boyfriend and the most adorable nephew one could ask for. I feel like I've been given situations that I only need to be in for a while; those situations get me to my next step in life. Sometimes I get discouraged because I'm doing a waiting game! I wait for a phone call, for my pay check, to transfer money...to hear God, for Friday... But I guess I should: enjoy today for tomorrow has it's own troubles more often...
One of the best parts about my life is that I've been given a gift of discernment and the understanding that things happen for a reason, in a season. Not just for a reason, but some things have to happen only for a season.
So... the past year I've had so many different seasons that I've gone through. Some of which I could live without, some of which I needed to grow. I've lived and traveled everywhere searching to find myself and a job lol.
The point to my rant is that I'm going through different seasons. I'm waiting for my main goal in life to happen and until then, I am going to enjoy the ride. BUT that doesn't mean I will settle for just anything. No no no... I'm 26, I'm grown. You get to a point in life where settling is not okay.
AND if that makes me look fickle, then so be it. I'd like to think I'm wise...
For the record, waiting for what you truly want SUCKS! But enjoying the things put in place to help you get to where you really want HELPS lol!
Ganbatte
I mean there are daily things I get excited about! My city is amazingly beautiful and the friends that I've made and am getting to know are awesome as well!
check out some photos: http://www.facebook.com/album.php?aid=2012562&id=151900452&l=740ce4adb7
It may have been the whole: doing something new, teaching (what I love), traveling (what I love) and learning a new language (what I love) aspect of coming here. But, as I sit and complain, I realize: those things are still prominent.
Life, unfortunately, is not perfect. We, as humans are not perfect. I mean, I'm almost perfect, but not quite there yet lol. Seriously, though. Crap happens. We get excited about new choices and do hours upon hours of research and dive in to a new decision. We'll always have reservations about our new choices and sometimes those reservations hold to be true.
So, now that some of my reservations are all up in ma face what do I do?
I feel as though by some things not being as perfect as they could or as I thought they would be, I'm a failure. Or that I'm fickle for not wanting to continue.
But, then I realized... I'm 26 years old. Jennifer Rae told me that 25 was a sexy age (I agreed, then I turned 26... so I guess it's sexy with one year experience?). Anyway, what I think she was getting at was 25 is a sense of maturity. You're no longer a baby and you're still at your peak in life. Still in your 20's but not early twenties. 26 is even better because I can officially say I'm grown.
So, back to my realization: just because I'm apt to try new things then peace them out when they aren't as good as I expect them to be doesn't make me fickle. It makes me smart. I'm 26 years old, I have my Masters in Education, I have a loving family, friends, beautiful boyfriend and the most adorable nephew one could ask for. I feel like I've been given situations that I only need to be in for a while; those situations get me to my next step in life. Sometimes I get discouraged because I'm doing a waiting game! I wait for a phone call, for my pay check, to transfer money...to hear God, for Friday... But I guess I should: enjoy today for tomorrow has it's own troubles more often...
One of the best parts about my life is that I've been given a gift of discernment and the understanding that things happen for a reason, in a season. Not just for a reason, but some things have to happen only for a season.
So... the past year I've had so many different seasons that I've gone through. Some of which I could live without, some of which I needed to grow. I've lived and traveled everywhere searching to find myself and a job lol.
The point to my rant is that I'm going through different seasons. I'm waiting for my main goal in life to happen and until then, I am going to enjoy the ride. BUT that doesn't mean I will settle for just anything. No no no... I'm 26, I'm grown. You get to a point in life where settling is not okay.
AND if that makes me look fickle, then so be it. I'd like to think I'm wise...
For the record, waiting for what you truly want SUCKS! But enjoying the things put in place to help you get to where you really want HELPS lol!
Ganbatte
Wednesday, September 1, 2010
Nostalgia, Il Divo and Inflammation...
Hahaha!
I just had a conversation with some friends about inflammation of many things on the body... lol. I won't go into details, but as a girl, taking antibiotics, you'd understand. Even if you think you don't understand, trust me, you understand!
Speaking of antibiotics. I can finally sit up for longer than an hour without wanting to pass out. I've gone running AND have worked once already this week. I'm finally not feeling under the weather. Yay!!1 It's been two weeks and running since the sore throat started and such a sob story on going to the hospital etc... I think we've had enough of the being sick in Japan story...
Nostalgia has hit. But, I'd like to take it as my understanding just how blessed I am to have such loving and super, ridiculously, intelligent friends :). However, it's nostalgia. I was doing Pilates, listening to K-Love and a sense of nostalgia came over me. I wanted Lydia to be in her study nook studying (or in the corner four feet away from me lol) and my crazy babies running around and getting mad at one another. I wanted friends that know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling before I act to be here, all living with me in my little apartment. So far, my phone bill is ridiculous! But, it's a small price to pay to hear the voices of my loved ones. Skype hasn't worked out thus far.
Il Divo makes me miss Ciro more than ever, but Il Divo brings back the fondest memories and makes me happy to listen. We still do our three-five minute phone sessions per night lol and on Sundays take more time to actually catch up in one another's lives. Sometimes we just whine on the phone, but it's nice to comfort each other. Il Divo is what is on my radio station now ;)
I'll have two weeks off in October :) Vacation time here I come.
I have my first volleyball practice on Saturday and have met, made a bad joke with and not understood my coach all in one night. I look forward to playing and sweating.
I've also acquired a running buddy! Yay Tai!!! He took me on a "trail" run and we ended up at track (said track that I always pass on the way to my staff meetings).
So, in an attempt to get through and embrace the nostalgia, I'm happy. Some days more than others. Some days I'm stupid happy. Other days I cry. Like today may be a crying day. We'll see. Granted... it's that time of the month again.
I had my first language exchange where I am helping a friend improve his writing. It's so much easier to improve the writing of others than to improve your own. But, whatevs.
Annndddd I'm done. Happy Thursday. Jersey Shore comes on soon I'll fist pump to that!
I just had a conversation with some friends about inflammation of many things on the body... lol. I won't go into details, but as a girl, taking antibiotics, you'd understand. Even if you think you don't understand, trust me, you understand!
Speaking of antibiotics. I can finally sit up for longer than an hour without wanting to pass out. I've gone running AND have worked once already this week. I'm finally not feeling under the weather. Yay!!1 It's been two weeks and running since the sore throat started and such a sob story on going to the hospital etc... I think we've had enough of the being sick in Japan story...
Nostalgia has hit. But, I'd like to take it as my understanding just how blessed I am to have such loving and super, ridiculously, intelligent friends :). However, it's nostalgia. I was doing Pilates, listening to K-Love and a sense of nostalgia came over me. I wanted Lydia to be in her study nook studying (or in the corner four feet away from me lol) and my crazy babies running around and getting mad at one another. I wanted friends that know what I'm thinking and how I'm feeling before I act to be here, all living with me in my little apartment. So far, my phone bill is ridiculous! But, it's a small price to pay to hear the voices of my loved ones. Skype hasn't worked out thus far.
Il Divo makes me miss Ciro more than ever, but Il Divo brings back the fondest memories and makes me happy to listen. We still do our three-five minute phone sessions per night lol and on Sundays take more time to actually catch up in one another's lives. Sometimes we just whine on the phone, but it's nice to comfort each other. Il Divo is what is on my radio station now ;)
I'll have two weeks off in October :) Vacation time here I come.
I have my first volleyball practice on Saturday and have met, made a bad joke with and not understood my coach all in one night. I look forward to playing and sweating.
I've also acquired a running buddy! Yay Tai!!! He took me on a "trail" run and we ended up at track (said track that I always pass on the way to my staff meetings).
So, in an attempt to get through and embrace the nostalgia, I'm happy. Some days more than others. Some days I'm stupid happy. Other days I cry. Like today may be a crying day. We'll see. Granted... it's that time of the month again.
I had my first language exchange where I am helping a friend improve his writing. It's so much easier to improve the writing of others than to improve your own. But, whatevs.
Annndddd I'm done. Happy Thursday. Jersey Shore comes on soon I'll fist pump to that!
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